Staying at home...

Hugh and I are extremely blessed, for many reasons. One of them happens to be that I’ve been able to take an extended maternity leave to stay home with Aiden. She will be one week shy of being 5 months old when I return to work. I can’t even fathom how hard it would be to have had to return to work 6 weeks after having her. I’m thinking that I would have had a nervous breakdown…

Nevertheless, I will be returning to work. I can’t even begin to say how much I’ve wrestled with this decision. Never underestimate the power of Mommy-guilt. How can I leave my baby? Am I going to miss everything? Will she still love me? Is she going to know that I’m her mother?

Oh yeah, I’ve asked myself all of these questions. Many times. Hugh as well. He LOVES it when I ask him these questions at 3 am.

I could stay home. We can afford it, but we would have to make some changes. We live a very comfortable lifestyle and enjoy it. Hugh and I own two houses; and while one of them is rental property we are still liable for that mortgage. It’s a risk, and not one that we would be comfortable taking with only one income.

Hugh and I have discussed the issue numerous times. It simply makes sense for me to go back to work. My paycheck will allow us to provide a life for Aiden that we want to provide. While I work in public education, we aren’t sure that it will provide the best education for Aiden. I want to be able to travel with her and show her that there IS life outside our day-to-day routine.  I want to be able to take vacations that don’t require us to save money a year in advance. I know that many people disagree with this viewpoint. I know that my parents made serious sacrifices for my mom to stay at home with us when we were kids. My sister is a SAHM, and they survive perfectly fine with one income. I don’t think one way is right or wrong. I truly believe that the right thing is doing what will make you happy and content.

The time is simply not right for me to be a SAHM right now. I’m not saying that I won’t change my mind in a year…but for now, this is the right decision. While I absolutely adore taking care of my little girl every day, I miss adult interaction. I’m a very social person and it’s been a big adjustment for me to be alone all day with only Aiden and the dogs to talk to. I sing along to Aiden’s interactive stuffed dog named Scout, even when Hugh is home. It’s frequently the soundtrack playing in my head. 

With all of this said, it’s still going to be hard for me to go back. We’ve lucked out and my sister is actually going to come keep Aiden for us at our house while we’re at work. I don’t think we could have found a better situation. I trust her implicitly and I won’t have to worry if Aiden is being taken care of.