Seriously. This post comes to you because I found myself
still pissed a month after I’ve read this article.
First off, here’s the article. Feel free to read it. I dare
you not to puke as your reading it.
This article came to my attention via an online mother’s
board that I belong to. Many women were going on and on about how demeaning the
article was so I finally gave in and read it. Basically, it’s an article that
gives suggestions to new mom’s on what they can do during the first six weeks
postpartum to make the new Dad’s not feel neglected. How to get Dad
involved…how to keep Dad happy….how to satisfy your husband.
The article infuriated me. The author discusses how the
first six weeks home with baby are hard for a new Dad. How all of the attention
is focused on the baby and the mother making the dad feel left out and
unappreciated. There are suggestions for the new mom on how she can help make
her man feel more appreciated. Let me recap a few ideas for you:
“Go to bed together at the same time! After having a baby,
you just want to sleep any chance you get and often times you’ll be asleep
before he comes to bed. Make the effort to be awake for him! “
“Lay out your husband’s pj’s, pull the covers back on his
side of the bed, and put his favorite book on his pillow so he can relax before
going to bed.”
“Once all of the kiddos are in bed, get dressed in something
that is a little more risque and try dusting the T.V. while he’s trying to
watch it…or mop the floor on your hands and knees while he’s eating a late
night snack.”
First off, pj’s? Seriously? My husband is not 5.
At first, I honestly wondered if the author of this article
had actually ever had a child. Surely someone that’s been through what Hugh and
I had JUST experienced would know better than to make these suggestions.
The first six weeks after Aiden was born were the toughest
weeks in my life. Hugh will echo this statement. It was HARD. I had no clue
that it was even humanly possible to function on so little sleep. Babies defy
all logic. Things that work once or twice will never work again! Patterns don’t
apply, they don’t fit into spread sheets, and everything you’ve read in books
gets tossed out the window when you’re on day 4 of getting less than 4 hours of
sleep in a day. Seriously. Needless to say, I didn’t exactly take the time TO
PUT ON LINGERE AND MOP THE FLOOR ON MY HANDS AND KNEES. WTF? Did I go to sleep
and it just become 1950? Maybe Hugh and I just have a different sort of
relationship; I’m honestly curious now. Sadly, we didn’t go to bed together
very often during those first few weeks. However; we did always sleep in the
same bed.
Hugh and I worked together as a team. We appreciated each
other, for what the other person was doing. We are conscientious of the other person’s
feelings, and we take care of each other. Hugh expects me to take care of
Aiden, and I expect him to do the same. When I was breastfeeding, yes, more of
the “baby” work fell on me. Hugh made sure that the house was clean and that we
had food to eat. I actually had to ASK if I could change a diaper because Hugh
was always taking care of it. When we had to switch to formula, Hugh and I
split feedings. We knew that there was no possible way that we would survive
without helping each other out-so we just helped. WITHOUT the expectation of a
thank-you. This doesn’t mean that we didn’t tell each other that we appreciate
the other-on the contrary, we did it often.
I think that for me, this article simply represented all of
the things that I thought women had overcome. I was taught to view marriage and
parenting as a partnership. An equal partnership. Do we take the time to make
sure that the other person knows how much we appreciate them? Yes. Do I need an
article that suggests I “make myself pretty” for my husband to know that he
loves me? No.
